Healing from Within: Nurturing Your Inner Child to Embrace Happiness

Delve into the profound journey of healing as we explore the importance of nurturing your inner child. Learn how embracing your truth and letting go of past pain can pave the way for you to live in the present with a life filled with joy and fulfillment. Let's embark on a transformative adventure towards happiness and inner peace.

When we were young children we didn't have the knowledge or experience to understand what a 'good friend', 'good relationship', or 'good environment' was — we went off of energies.

The energies we would attract would be similar energies to the ones surrounding us in our upbringing. These would be the energies our mind would perceive as safe. This means if you came from a toxic influence, this is what you would attract. This means if you came from a calm influence, this is what you would attract.

It is only when we evolve, our knowledge and experience grows, that we are able to think and know which energies are 'good' or 'bad' — to then be able to change and evolve ourselves and our perceptions.

As a young child I remember being in touch with my instincts and have always wanted to fight for what I knew to be 'right' — seeing 'wrong' never sat well with me. When healing came into my life I had a sense of calm I had never felt before. My instincts were more heightened than ever. It allowed me to know when to ask for guidance, support, help. That is the first step to healing — knowing when to look for guidance. But it is easy to put this off because it is hard to talk about pain, so our feelings and emotions build up and we either find ourselves reacting rather than responding to people close to us, or we go to the wrong people for clarity.

It can be difficult to accept that the ones who caused your trauma won't be able to heal your trauma. It can be difficult to accept this because it is sometimes the ones we love unconditionally who we naturally turn towards — but just because they can't help you heal doesn't mean they can't be in your life. It is just a matter of making sure you are looking to the right connections to heal your pain. Not everyone will be able to help your healing.

This comes down to:

• If they have healed from their trauma
• If they trigger you or you trigger them
• If they are at the same level of growth and awareness as you
• They want to / they have the capacity to learn and understand your feelings

You will know if they are a connection to help you heal by the energy you feel within you after connecting. Give time to yourself after being in other people's energy — understand the energy that has been passed through you, listen to your gut, calm your mind. Then choose your healers wisely and stay close to those who light you up.

You will not heal while surrounding yourself with the people that caused you the pain. You need connections where you feel seen and heard to heal.

When I used to feel alone and secluded from life I would blame the situations I was in. I would push away the people who would push me to want and do better. I would disconnect from the people who would tell me the truth because it was easier to not have to face it. I would surround myself with people that only knew me on the surface because it was easier. In reality, I was secluding myself.

Until I decided I didn't want to be the loser anymore. When I say this I mean, I no longer wanted to be the one to lose friends, lose relationships, lose jobs, lose happiness, lose time — all because I was avoiding the truth. When I chose not to be a loser I had to drop my ego and stop being the victim of every story. I was no longer a child and had to accept and acknowledge that my choices led me to where I am, and only I could change that.

I invested in a therapist and coach to understand why I made the choices I did and what my values were, to know how to positively move forward in life. In return this gave me deeper and more meaningful connections. I was able to know my worth to have a strong support bubble of people who could also see my worth. I no longer hid the truth from the people I loved and needed. We had the tough conversations as well as the fun ones — not just the easy, small talk conversations.

The pain we have within us can stop us from doing this, especially if you are confused about where the pain is coming from. There may be so much chaos in your life, or you may get brain fog from experiencing trauma.

What we aren't taught about grief

What we aren't taught is that you experience grief from all forms of trauma. Break ups, old friendships, parents that aren't present, old environments, past happy memories, love that you didn't feel. Anything that you once had in your life and you no longer have, you will grieve. Some things take longer to process the grief than others, depending on how deep the connection was.

This is something that needs to be spoken about and awareness needs to be created around it so people can understand their pain.

If you are experiencing pain right now, I promise you time will heal your pain. I can't tell you how long this will take but I can tell you — you are not alone. But you do have to help time, as time is not enough to heal.

You cannot water rotten roots and expect change. You have to dig up those roots, understand why they didn't grow, accept what needs to change — planting new fundamentals for success, allowing the tree to grow.

I believe all healing comes from love and the first roots you have to look at to heal are the people you are surrounding yourself with. It is the connection within the relationship that matters. You don't need to look far, you need to look within. Find love in yourself and then find your people that make you feel love. This will allow you to feel seen and heard, and you will allow yourself to heal. This doesn't have to be a friend, partner, or parent — this can be a professional, and it is a great healer talking to someone with an outside perspective.

Have you ever realised how much you don't realise? Sitting at a table eating food and the person on the table next to you leaves — and only when you have finished your food you notice? Or, you don't hear what other people are saying because you are thinking of your response before they have finished speaking? This is where a different perspective can help you. It helps bring you back to being an observer of your life.

Questions from my therapist that changed everything

Like we would rest from physical pain we have to do the same for mental pain. All of our anxiety comes from pain stored within us. To stop the anxiety we have to become aware and have understanding of the pain. This means facing the fear that feels difficult and scary, to allow ourselves to let go. I can't promise it is easy but what I can promise is there is happiness from letting go of the pain.

Understanding grief responses

Grief can stop you from being able to let go. When you are experiencing grief, our human response is to fight, flight, or freeze.

The fight response can cause outrage, extreme emotions, irrational thoughts and reactions. The flight response can cause you to avoid all forms of connection — you will avoid communication, support from loved ones, and find any way to avoid love. The freeze response can cause you to have blurred thoughts, be unable to communicate or respond, live life like nothing has changed, and be unable to feel your emotions. How everyone experiences grief is different, but what is the same for everyone is the guarantee that we will all experience it in our lifetime.

Things that can help when navigating grief

• Understanding what your capabilities are when helping another with grief — will helping trigger your grief?
• Being aware of your grief response (fight, flight or freeze)
• Grief comes and goes — sometimes we can be caught off guard with a trigger
• There is no timeline for grief; everyone grieves at different times
• Being compassionate to yourself — you will feel grief off of loved ones, so you are allowed to feel your own emotions while supporting
• Allowing yourself to feel every emotion is strength — there is no weakness in allowing yourself to feel

If you are experiencing grief it is normal to feel like the pain is ongoing. You could lose something small like your favourite necklace and it would trigger your greater loss. The love can feel like it is burning within, doubting whether you showed enough gratitude at the time. You may experience sudden or looming moments of self-doubt. Don't carry your grief alone — allow yourself to share the weight. Feeling the highs and lows, sharing your tears and smiles with another will always be your safest space to heal.

Things that will help you on your healing path

Learn to say no

What's impactful to your trauma isn't just the event, but what happens after it — when you feel powerless to change your reality. You will gain power back by knowing when to say no and choosing your surroundings wisely.

Self witnessing

Self-witnessing is the ability to become the observer of your own life experience. Noticing thoughts, feelings and your actions in the present moment.

Compassionate self-talk

Practising compassionate self-talk heals your inner child, changing your belief system.

How to work through triggers

Learning to pause, breathe, get curious about your feelings and journal what you felt. If you feel comfortable to share your discovery with a trusted person, this will support your healing.

What I have learnt along the way

• The reason for you to change has to be painful
• You have to know why the change is important, for you to stay consistent
• Investing your money into yourself will be the best money you will ever spend
• Accepting support will save mental energy
• Wanting to give your time to learning will be what allows you to grow and evolve
• Having professionals to help you question your capabilities, discovering how you can adapt, will excel you further than going at it alone
• The power of healing is in vulnerable connections

This time in your life is temporary. You are not stuck in this period of time. The minutes, days and months will pass, with the feelings and thoughts you currently are having. Be patient with yourself right now.