Are you your biggest hater? Not letting yourself be fully immersed in an experience because of the hate you are putting on yourself? Slating the way you look? Putting yourself down, questioning what others may think of you? Not wearing that bikini or outfit because of stretch marks, cellulite, or judgement on yourself?
Here are some points to consider if you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk:
Question yourself — would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself? I know you wouldn't. So remember, you deserve to treat yourself with the same compassion and positivity you show to others.
Practice positive affirmations. Recognise the impact of your words. What you say to yourself will impact every area of your life.
Challenge your negative beliefs. Becoming aware of how your negative self-talk affects your overall well-being will improve your self-esteem, confidence, and mental health. By questioning and reframing those thoughts, you can create a more positive mindset.
Recognise your qualities. Focus on your unique strengths, talents, and qualities. Remind yourself of the value you bring beyond your physical appearance.
Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Focus on your own journey ahead and the goals you are going to achieve by BEING YOU!
Be gentle with yourself during times of difficulty. Remind yourself that you are a human being and feeling less than 100% is perfectly normal.
Surround yourself with positive influences. The friends that will show you love no matter what you may be feeling. Unfollow accounts on social media that make you feel less than you are. Follow accounts you can genuinely relate with — not a wish to be them or want for the material things in life — the genuine, wholesome accounts. Engage in supportive communities that uplift and empower women.
It takes time to change negative self-talk patterns. You have to be patient with yourself and consistently make yourself a focus. Showing yourself the love you want from the people around you, speaking to yourself kindly, taking care of your body and nurturing your mind.
Where energy goes, energy flows.
When you have this shift of focus, so much will be drawn into your life. You will gain the energy to believe in your dreams. You will have the drive to complete tasks that were being put off. You will have a greater connection with your intuition. You will be able to make decisions based on the clarity in your mind. You will have an enhanced feeling and understanding of the energies around you.
So act in a way that you love — because this will make loving yourself a hell of a lot easier, and the people around you will find it easier to love you too.
Self-love Suggestions
- Go on a solo relaxing break
- Meet up with a friend that makes you feel FABULOUS
- Listen to energetic music while making yourself your favourite meal
- Give yourself the pampering that makes you feel yourself
- Write a list of action steps forward to make productive and positive change (even if that is just a shopping list to begin with)
- Journal thoughts, feelings and vision forward
- Show compassion — don't expect yourself to go back to a normal routine straight away
- Communicate with your support network on how you are feeling and how they can support you
- Give yourself time to be proud of how far you have come, acknowledging your strength and what you are capable of
- A walk in nature a day
Saying this, you can do all the self-love practice but if you aren't changing anything, nothing will change the way you feel. There are two different types of showing yourself self-love — and one that isn't spoken about as often. Why isn't it spoken about? Because it is hard.
Surface level self-love is amazing. It gives you a boost of energy and can realign your thoughts and feelings in that moment. But the important aspect of self-love that people blanket over — because it can be hard — are the deeper rituals of self-love. The rituals that will genuinely change your life to regain self-worth and energy, and will allow you to have balance in your life so you don't have to keep looking for quick boosts from surface level activities.
Use the boost of energy you get from the surface level activities to focus on the rituals of self-love, and watch your life flourish.
The Deeper Rituals
- Set boundaries — allowing you to focus on the people and things that matter most to you
- Take care of your body — prioritise 8 hours sleep, 1 exercise or walk a day, eat nutritious whole foods
- Cleanse your environment — clean your home, organise your meals, write a to do list
- Heal your emotions — allow yourself to feel the emotions you are experiencing, share your thoughts with loved ones
Which ritual do you need to focus on to say hello to empowerment? Saying hello to empowerment will help you say goodbye to anxiety.
A self-love activity
Think of the connection that makes you feel scared, threatened, unloved, unseen, unheard. Write down the person, the emotions they make you feel, and how those emotions make you feel. Ask yourself if what you have written is true. If it is, can you change it? If you can't, you know you will have to let it go.
Once you know this, you will have built confidence in yourself and your steps forward. Even if it is the smallest amount, there will always be a lift of confidence. From here you will be able to act with more understanding, clarity and vulnerability.
This next part you will have to trust me — ask that person for honesty. I 100% guarantee they will give it to you. (Because even no response is a response.)
Once you have the honesty you were looking for, sit with it, acknowledge it, welcome the feelings that your understanding brings, accept your thoughts and feelings, and then allow yourself to let go.
Thinking of the cause of the anxiety, journalling your feelings and thoughts, building confidence, being understanding and vulnerable, gaining clarity, being honest, letting go and healing — all takes time. Be kind to yourself through the journey. Allow yourself to feel to heal.
Help yourself to feel more love by first of all showing yourself love.